Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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