was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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