There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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