Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
