One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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