i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
