i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
