I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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