I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
