Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
