You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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