Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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