I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
