WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
