1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Let's get the cat blown out
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
