1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
