Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My feet surprised me
Randomize
