***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
