just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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