I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
