Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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