I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
