stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
