I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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