I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
