She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
