I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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