I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
