Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
