I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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