My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
