He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ok first of all what the fuck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
