I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
