Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
