pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
