if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
