Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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