Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
