I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
