separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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