She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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