Already got asked if we're dating
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
