i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
