We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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