i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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