I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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