When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
