just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
