i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
