I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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