; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You made out with two different species that night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
