Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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