I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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