You made me cry and you don't even care
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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