Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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