Do you still have your period?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
