Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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