"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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