i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
