the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
