There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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