Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
