i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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