3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
