the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
