Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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