kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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