I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
